Now that I have sent my husband off for the third time (this time for 15 or so months) I can safely say that doing so is like having a baby. Throughout pregnancy it's hard to imagine what giving birth was like because as soon as (or shortly thereafter) they put that baby in your arms you forget the pain and anguish you just went through. When your husband returns from a deployment it is the same, you forget the pain and anguish you went through for the last year or so. But when you say your goodbyes again (or give birth to another child), you wonder, "Why am I putting myself through this again?" and the pain and anguish start all over.
I've had several people ask me what it's like to send my husband off for such a long time and I could never give them an honest answer because all I remembered was that it was hard. But sending him off this morning was sooo much harder than I could have imagined. I think having kids has made it a little more difficult because I am so concerned too with how they are going to feel when Daddy doesn't come home for so long. And oh how my boys love thier Daddy!!!
We've been trying to talk to Jakob about this and last night when he went to bed he said, as he was crawling into his bed, "I will be this many, (holding 4 fingers in the air) when Dad comes home".
Jakob just woke up and asked me where his Daddy was. I started crying and he said, "Daddy went to work and won't come home for a long time. Why are you crying? Are you sad?"
Well, life must go on.
Next time I will post pictures. We took lots of pictures yesterday.
5 comments:
you are so strong! thank you for sharing.
I hear ya! I found an old Army wife's poem at my Grandmother's house that I should have hand-carried home but left for the movers to bring me for some reason. When it gets here, I'll make a special copy for you.
I'm pretty honest with the kids about where Daddy is, and they seem to appreciate it. I don't let Sparky watch the news (you can appreciate what a disaster that would be) but I do tell all of them that the kids over there are sad and need help and I've shown them very sanitized photos of soldiers with the kids. We look at maps, etc. I know it's hard to think of Jakob being able to grasp it, but I'll be he does. Being able to physically place him does seem to help. Sparky was the only one who really got it last time, but all three of them at least understand that Dad is doing Army stuff helping kids and people in a far away place this time. Squirrel even gets "Iraq." Just my two cents... :-) To quote the Rangers - "Embrace the suck."
I am sorry Marrian. Your right about not remembering quite how hard it really is saying good bye to your husband for such a long time. You are also right about it being harder because of your kids. It is hard to see their sadness and not be able to take it away. I dread when my husband will get deployed again (I know the question isn't "If he will get deployed?" but "when will he get deployed?") That is the army life. I am hear for you if you have a bad day or need a listening ear.
Your blog and song brought tears to my eyes. Jason has been gone for 3 months now and I keep thinking it will get easier, but it continues to get harder. Especially with explaining things to my girls. There is not a day that goes by that I don't hear "I miss my daddy". Anyway, I really appreciate what you wrote. It's comforting to hear that other people are going through what I am going through. Of course, I know there are, but again it is comforting to actually hear it.
hey it's me again. of course you can add me to your blog and here is my e-mail address ohsosweet_teah@hotmail.com
And no I didn't forget you....I really appreciate all the advice you gave me before you left!
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